Whatcha been up to? Well, funny you should ask.

It's been busy around here. What's new, right?

Well, for starters, Spencer had a project due the week before Thanksgiving. It was the student's choice for a subject of Thanksgiving, Indians^★, or Pilgrims. But, it had to include a visual project, a written report, a cover page and an oral report. Parental help was encouraged. Because the teachers hate parents.

Also? I'm pretty sure I didn't do a project with so many components until I was in college.

But, we got it done. We're diorama-making fools around this house.

And, although I didn't get a picture of it (because I was exhausted), Spence's cover page was a Comanche Indian with yarn braids down each side of his head, tied with leather straps and a feather. And the part in his hair was even colored with white "clay." Oh, yeah. We brought it.

But, I think Shawn and I were both most proud of how many times our shy boy practiced his oral presentation until a) he knew it by heart; b) he could speak up; and c) he could look up and make eye-contact occasionally while speaking. Quite an improvement for the boy who hid his face two-inches behind his paper for the entire oral report he presented last year in first grade.

I made a Thanksgiving treat for the kids' classmates. I mean. We all knew I would, didn't we?

That's just a mini Reese's peanut butter cup upside down on a
fudge-striped cookie, stuck down and decorated with frosting.

There was Grandparents' Day at the kids' school. My mom and step-dad drove up. And, Shawn's mom had to jump through hoops to get time away from work. But, she did. So, the kids had two of their three sets of grandparents there. They got to show them around the school, and take them to a reception. And, there was a special chapel service. It was all very sweet and special to the kids.

*We found Lulu's lost splint. In the Barbie basket. Duh. Where else would it be? So now we have a spare (that the darling Occupational Therapist made us for no charge)! This is a good thing. The original splint has been lost again on no less than four other occasions for varying amounts of time on each occurrence.

Speaking of that broken finger and splint: we had a check-up last week on that little ol' bone. It's healing well, the doctor said. But, there is still a missing bit in the center of the bone that needs time to knit itself back together. One more week in the splint. She's such a responsible little trooper about it, though. She's the first one to say, "I don't have my splint on!"

There was Thanksgiving. But, in order to keep this post under a thousand words, that post will have to wait until tomorrow.

And, then there was church yesterday.

Here's what's funny. I can drive myself insane worrying about where we should go to church. We've tried going to a mega-church. But, all of our friends that are members there are a part of a "small group/Bible study" that is "closed." So, we never could figure out how to feel "plugged in" - not that the church doesn't try. They really encourage you to come to a once-a-month "Get Plugged In" meet and greet where they'll match you up with like-minded people so you can start your own "small group." Shawn and I just couldn't do it. It felt like a weird speed-dating session to make church friends. And, Lulu straight-up didn't like Sunday School there. I don't think they did anything wrong. I think it was just huge - four classes for Lulu's grade alone. We never knew who her teacher would be or who would be in her class. She would see some friends she knew... but then they would be assigned to a different room. And she told us she didn't know the songs they sang. But, when Little Miss Congeniality with the most confidence in our family is uncomfortable somewhere... it might not be the right fit for our family. Spence liked it. But, Spence liked it because he had a friend from school who was in his Sunday School class - a security blanket.

And, then my great friend Springer sent me a book by Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies. It was interesting. Clearly Springer thinks I'm a whole lot deeper than the usually fluff I read (Note to self: Send Springer a copy of The Hunger Games). But, it was worth the read for even just this one concept I took away from it. I'm sure I will paraphrase this badly, but Lamott said she was told, when praying to God for the answer to a problem, don't look for the big billboard announcing the final answer. Look at the small spotlight He's shining for you to take to the next step. Then, once there, look for the next spotlight. Just keep stepping from spotlight to spotlight until, the next thing you know, you've arrived at the solution.

So. I took a step into the spotlight yesterday.

We have other friends. (I know. Shocker.) They go to the lost-my-child-church (which we didn't know at the time of the "Lost Child" incident). They were talking about their awesome Adult Sunday school (that's open to new-comers)! They helped us figure out where it was, what time it started and were excited that we were there. And, y'all? The Director of Young Adult Ministry that teaches the class? Amazing. A-maz-ing.

We dropped Lulu off at the playroom - where there is an extensive new check-in procedure complete with sticker identification for each child. Holla! (All of our friends really do say to us, though, "Ummm. So. We hear we have you to thank for this." They don't seem so thankful, though... ;) After Sunday School, we went to ask Lulu if she wanted to leave the playroom to come sing songs with us in Big Church. She did not. She wanted to stay and keep working on crafts.

Spencer has one classmate who goes to church there that he knew of before we arrived. He wasn't there yesterday. But, lo and behold, his very best playmates from down the street go to church there! And, they did go to church yesterday, much to Spence's delight. Then, during the Children's Service portion of Big Church, Spence realized that one of his buddies from flag football goes to church there, too.

The church service was just non-liturgical enough to remind Shawn of the Bible Church in which he grew up, but just traditional enough to feel "like church" to him, too. Shawn does not like "rock bands" in church. I don't mind them. This church has a guitarist with singers. Shawn is okay with that. We both agree that the service really is a perfect mix for us.

As we drove home yesterday, Spence said, "I want this to be our church."

You know what, son? I think I do, too.

^★It seems that we can say Indian again instead of Native American. Who knew?

Halloween Costumes... Halloween Treats... And, it wasn't even Halloween yet!

Today is Halloween, but our past four days have already been packed full of festivities.

There was this:

One of Lulu's classmates had a costume party at her house. Remember how our dancer-to-the-beat-of-her-own-drummer was a Donut last year? Well, this year?

A DANCING SKELETON!

When we got to the party, there was a face painter. All the other little girls had beautiful fairy eyes. And princess glitter. Some butterflies.

Lulu? "I want to be a skeleton face!"

She went from "Dancing Skeleton" to "Día de los Muertos!"

(Not a single one of you better give me a moment's grief about Día de los Muertos or I will sic Señora Cowden, the kids' Spanish teacher, on you to explain to you that it is a joyful day of celebration in many hispanic cultures wherein they remember all the loved ones who have passed before them.)

That said. Our beautiful, darling, baby girl... was horrifying.

And, it took two days to get all of the black off of her eyes. She went from Día de los Muertos to Courtney Love. Equally horrifying.

There was also this:

All of my children (including the 39-year-old one), needed treats today. Spence wanted the Mummy Oreos that Sister took to her class on Friday - as she was Snack Helper:

Found on Pinterest! I *heart* Pinterest.

Sister needed something different since, as I mentioned, she already treated her class to the Oreo Mummies. So, between Google, Shawn and me, we came up with these:

BONES!

They're just snipped marshmallows...

jammed on pretzel rods...

and dipped in white candy coating.

And, Shawn? He got to take both to the party that his office is hosting for the kids of the firm (because his little friends haven't seen either ;)!

And, finally. There will be this:

This afternoon. We get to go to Daddy's office party and Trick or Treating. After we get the flu vaccinations. That I scheduled. For today. After school. Because sometimes I don't have a lick of sense in my head.

P.S. We should all be glad the Oreo Mummies and Bones worked out. Because I had a Plan B. In a moment of frustration, when I wasn't sure I could master the Oreo Mummies, I tried to make a ghost.

It looked like this:

And, his eyes kept falling out.

Fortunately for everyone involved, it never came to this.

Random Thoughts: the Byproduct of a Long Summer

As I told a friend when I forgot to respond to his text for a week... and then forgot to send the text telling him I forgot to respond to his text for another week, I haven't had a single, complete, coherent thought in weeks. Being a mom 24/7 is an ass-kicking job^★. And, this summer, save Spence's week-long stint at camp, was Me and The Kids day in and day out for three months. (Yeah. I just made that into the title of a movie. Most boring movie. ever. But, very loud. With occasional cameo appearances by Shawn Johnson.) No. Seriously. They are getting old enough that we were (mostly) happy. And our road trips and vacations were fun. But, enough was enough.

Thank God for school and teachers. Spence started 2nd grade and Lulu Pre-K. They're both loving it. And my thoughts are slowly starting to form completely again (and the laundry is starting to get done again... and dinner cooked... and I'm bathing more regularly...)

So, as we wait for full-capacity thoughts that might equal one whole blog post, here's what's been rattling around in my brain in the meantime:

• I did indeed make the candy pencil back-to-school treats for Lulu's class. I told you Mommy Guilt would make me do it.
• I took a hot yoga class* and left it smelling like... an airline passenger plane. This is disturbing to me on so very many levels.
• *I stopped going to the Class of Torture because I was starting to get thighs like those of a 14-year-old Olympic gymnast. FYI, this is only a good look on a 14-year-old Olympic gymnast - and, even then, it's questionable.
• Sometimes I look at my flat iron when it's on and think, "Did I already turn that on?"^✰
• Can you put plates in the oven? 'Cause I do. And, I think I'm pretty darn brilliant for thinking of it.
• Evidently my family doesn't eat bananas fast enough. I always have to figure out what to do with overripe bananas. Well, AllRecipes.com has done it again. With a five-star rating after 6,413 reviews, this Banana Crumb Muffin recipe was bound to be good GREAT. And, it was^♥.
• And, finally. It has been said that Princess Eugenie bares a striking resemblance to her great-great-great-great grandmother Queen Victoria. Yeah. If Queen Victoria smeared a lot of $#!t around her eyes and wore bizarre crap on her head.

^★And, yeah, yeah, yeah. Working moms. I know the grass isn't greener. I'm just saying sometimes you get to turn on your "grown-up brain" and have coherent thoughts sometimes. (And, I'm not even going to correct the fact that I used "sometimes" twice in that sentence. I think it proves my point quite nicely.)

^✰It's not a flat iron. It's a cookie. And, I don't think "turn that on;" I think "eat that."

^♥The Pre-K teachers at Elizabeth's school do "Home Visits" the week before school. (oh. the horror.) I whipped these up because a) I'm an unbearable suck-up and b) I was trying to distract the teacher from the fact that our daughter doesn't know her own name and c) who calls Children's Protective Services on someone who makes muffins?

OCD, Crafting and Back-to-School

So. After twelve years of marriage, this is how well Shawn knows me.

When I call when he is 6 hours into a 7 1/2 hour drive to say I'll need to be making a back-to-school treat after he gets home that night, he says, "Of course you will." He doesn't even try to confuse me with logic because he knows a confused, obsessive me is way worse than simply an obsessive me. He doesn't remind me that I'm calling at 9:00pm and he won't be home until 10:30pm. Oh no. Indeed, he himself stops at Walmart on his way into town to buy the supplies I don't have.*

But, here's the story. I was asked to be HOMEROOM MOM yesterday at Meet the Teacher Day. That's right. I put it in all caps. I take these things very seriously. I'm thinking of getting a vest embroidered. Or maybe a visor. Or lapel pin. A lapel pin would be classy.

Anyhoo. I have a cousin-in-law. She's like Martha Stewart. Her blog makes me feel inadequate. I usually read it through my fingers while I hold my hands over my inadequate eyes.

But, last year she sent her son to his first day of school with these:

How freakin' cute is that?!

And here are her instructions:

To make your own:

3 1/2 " x 4 1/2 " yellow cardstock

pinking shears

3 1/2" x 1/2" pink cardstock

1" circles pink cardstock

3 1/2" x 3/8" aluminum foil

Rolos

Hershey kisses

adhesive

So. As I sat last night, waiting for Shawn to come home and pondering my newly appointed position (That's right. I said "appointed position." Like the president of the United States himself chose me for this - not like the teacher asked me as I headed out the classroom door), I decided I should make these for my class.** 

It all seemed so very logical. And, simple. *insert delirious laughter*

Except. Walmart doesn't carry Rolos in a package. So, Shawn found these:

Don't tell me he wasn't a little bit into this. He had a "vision."

Except. I didn't have cardstock. I had colored paper. That's right. The package just said "paper."

Except. I don't have pinking shears. So we just had to bunch our "paper" up around the Hershey's kiss.

Except. I don't even know what real crafting people mean when they say "adhesive." I used hot glue, double-sided tape and Elmer's. I'm sure that's probably exactly what they mean.

And, only at this very moment, while writing this very post, did I even see that my CIL's instructions called for aluminum foil. Huh. That would have been a really good idea. Seriously, y'all. I should quit all other endeavors and take up this "crafting" thing full-time.

So. Back to the story.

At 12:45am while we held individual paper pleats around Hersey's kisses and waited for the Elmer's Glue to set (FYI, you can.not. use hot glue on a Hershey's kiss. Learned that the hard way), we may have looked at each other like we had made a terrible mistake. Well, Shawn may have been looking at me like that the entire time... I may have just finally agreed with him.

Then.

I had a sleep-deprived inspiration. Sister's hair rubber bands.

We slopped some Elmer's glue around the kisses, pinched down the paper with a rubber band and went. to. bed.

But, this morning. After I took the rubber bands off, we were left with these. I'll never really understand how. Maybe it was a back-to-school treat miracle. 

I didn't make that cute monkey bag. It was a party favor
bag we were given. But, if you've got some google eyes
on hand, you can go ahead and whip yourself up one.
I'm sure it would just take some "adhesive."

But, you know what? The smile I got from Spence this morning when I showed him. Was worth it all. (And, I even refrained from shrieking at him that he was going to "mess them all up" when he picked one up and pretended to use it like a pencil. I know. I'm all rational like that.)

P.S. Don't think Mommy Guilt doesn't make me know I have to make these for Elizabeth's class, too. Luckily, she doesn't start Pre-K til next Monday.

I need a nap.

ACTUAL INSTRUCTIONS
(although I can't see why you would dare try this at home)

• tube of M&M minis with red tops (although orange will work in a pinch) - slash plastic wrap around  the lid "hinge" so the plastic and your paper will lay flat
• Hershey's kisses with almonds ("because they're brown like a pencil" - Shawn's words, not mine. Seriously. Tell me he wasn't into this.)
• 4 1/2" x 5 1/4" yellow paper (although, I think I would make it longer next time maybe 5 1/2") with "Happy 1st Day of SCHOOL" written along the long way
• 4 1/2" x 1/2" silver or gray paper
• double-sided tape
• hot glue
• Elmer's glue

Hot glue the kiss to the bottom of the M&M tube. Wrap the yellow paper and secure with the double-sided tape, leaving about 1/4" overhang on the kiss end of the tube. Wrap the silver at the other end of the yellow paper and secure with the double-sided tape. Apply Elmer's glue inside the overhanging portion of the yellow paper and pinch around the kiss. Secure with a small hair elastic, if available. Allow to dry. Remove elastic.

*It probably helps my case that Shawn still tells stories about his mom being Homeroom Mom and president of the PTA. (FYI - I will never be president of the Parent Board. I know. I know. Never say never. [Never.])

**I've never been a HOMEROOM MOM, can you tell? I know I'm being pretty cool about it, so you probably couldn't tell...

So, So, So, So Crafty

Yep. That's me. Crafty.

Or desperate.

Either way.

The kids had a terrible day on Wednesday. There was sobbing, yelling, rough-housing (and that was just me). But, there had been two trips to the swimming pool, eating out, late bedtimes and it all combined for the perfect storm of frazzled children. So, by the time Spencer had gotten out of his bed for the 72nd time at 1a.m., I declared that the next day (or I guess by that time it would have been later the same day) would be a lazy, catch-our-frazzled-breath day.

We stayed in our pjs all morning long; turned off the blasted TV; chilled out; and, that afternoon, did a craft!

I was inspired by... wait for it... pinterest! (See? Who says addiction is bad?)

I had seen this pin and thought it was a great idea:

Source: cluckclucksew.com via Miranda on Pinterest

Unfortunately for our craft day, I had thrown away all of my fabric scraps when we moved. (I completely overruled my inner-packrat and thought, "I haven't used these scraps by now. I probably never will." Crap. Now my inner-packrat has been proven right. The monster awakes.)

But, fortunately for our craft day, I had just seen this on TexaGermaNadian's blog:

I didn't have any rhinestones or brads. But, I had a butt-load of buttons.

And, my children + hot-glue gun = bad idea.

So. Being crafty and all. I combined the two ideas.

I cut the letters out of cardboard. I handed over the Elmer's glue (poor, poor table); dumped out the buttons and let 'em go to town.

They asked me to do a "J" with them. And, who am I to say no to a good craft?

Here are our completed projects as we left them to dry. As you can tell, there is ample glue coverage. These buttons are going to stick if The Johnsons have anything to say about it!

Spencer went for the complete coverage, like mine. Lulu is a little more of a minimalist.

And... here are the finished works of art.

Thank you. No applause necessary.

(This is two posts about DIY/crafty stuff. I'm totally turning this into a Crafty Blog.)

I'm SO turning this into one of those "crafty" blogs because now I'm a DIYer.

These were my disgusting kitchen counter chairs "before". This was after I attempted to wipe them down so mold and other living organisms wouldn't live under them once recovered - and, no, I was not going to remove the old fabric before I applied the new - don't talk crazy.

Honestly, I should have just let my children eat directly off the chairs instead of dirtying those tiresome "plates". I'm not sure if you can see it, but there is actual FOOD on the ground in this picture. Truly. Livestock. My children eat like livestock.

And, now, may I present to you 100% VINYL covered chairs. Yes, I said, "vinyl." I don't care what you think. I can wipe it off.

Thank you. Thank you. No applause, please (especially because there is still food on the floor in this picture, too).

Now. What other projects can I do for my "crafty" blog that only require scissors, an automatic screwdriver and a staple gun?