May Wrap-up... The June Version

There was a point around the second week of May when I thought, "May doesn't seem to be as crazy this year as it has been in years past."

Then May bitch-slapped me for being cocky. She bitch-slapped me so hard that I haven't been able to finish a post about May until the third week of June.

So, here you go.

May.

There was my sister's wedding.

Followed by Shawn's 40th birthday party.

Somewhere along the way I printed the invitations for Elizabeth's birthday party three times. The first time I scheduled it the same night as "Hasting's Night" at the amusement park - just an extra 1,500 people expected at the park that night. So, then I rescheduled it. For a night during the week that the kids go on their annual trip to the lake with Shawn's parents and his aunt and uncle. (My mother-in-law caught this error - when we gave her her invitation! And, I told her, "I feel like I'm spinning a whole. bunch. of plates. And, they keep crashing to the ground!"

There was the week that Elizabeth was the snack helper at school. It happened to coincide with the Pre-K Luau. Her teacher "suggested" fruit kabobs, sugar cookies and little bottles of water for the Luau snacks.

I made these Hula boys and girls:

Cute, right?

It wasn't until a week later that I realized... I brought topless Hula girls to the Pre-K Luau. But, I didn't hear of any cookie scandals through the preschool grapevine - so, I think we skated by.

There were also Book Fair shifts. A weekend in the mountains with friends. (This was actually relaxing. Once we were there. But, up til then? Just more things on the to-do list.) End-of-school field day and class parties.

And, dance recital.

May wrapped with my mom and step-dad's annual family reunion trip. I think this was probably relaxing and wonderful. But, to be honest. I think I was too tired to be sure.

The Post You've All Been Waiting For (Yes, you have. You know you have. SHUT UP. You have.)

So. You remember how I was in a little ol' play? I mentioned that, right? Once or four times? And, then disappeared off the face of the earth for ten weeks or so?

Well, it went down like this:

Play rehearsal, play rehearsal, play rehearsal, play rehearsal.

Play, play.

No more play. Funk for a week while I mourned the fact that there was no one in my real life who would applaud me on a daily basis. Bastards.

Then the family went out of town for a family reunion.

Then I followed Shawn on a business trip to San Antonio.

Then I got the plague. I was sick for about a week. Nearly died. Then I slept for 16 hours (many hours of which I still owed myself from the aforementioned play practice and play). And now I'm better.

I feel like myself again. I hope it doesn't take me four weeks of being useless after the next play before my life returns to normal. Because, let's not kid ourselves, if they'll have me, there will be a next play. And, I'm not sure how long Shawn's sunny, supportive disposition will last with a wife who needs a month of trudging through her regular life and responsibilities before she can construct a coherent sentence. Much less be delightful and charming again. (Shut up.)

But, anyway. For the past week or so, I've been hanging out at the Little Theater again, helping with the sets for the upcoming musical. I'm pretty much like a stray cat they accidentally fed and now they can't shake. Poor, poor unsuspecting people. I think I saw a horror movie that started this way.

Anyhooo... What I guess I'm trying to say is:

I'm baaaaack.

Something's got to give

Turns out learning 90 or so pages of dialogue

and

maintaining my self-imposed Spanish-learning schedule (Oh wait. That one had to give, too.)

and

trying to make sure my family doesn't feel neglected by my new obligation

and

dealing with Lulu's raging case of strep throat with high fevers and such bad wheezing that she required breathing treatments

and

Shawn's upper respiratory/ear infections - so severe that I found myself putting aside my life view that he's a grown-ass man who can take care of himself and instead worrying that he was going to end up in the hospital with pneumonia

and

traveling to meet him while he was at a meeting in New York; getting stuck in Houston on the return trip home and promised a flight home two days later; not accepting that solution and driving the ten hours home (with a 2am pit stop in Wichita Falls; 5 hours of sleep and hitting the road again)

and

getting ready to take the kids skiing for their President's Day break from school

leaves 

no time to blog.

Until this play runs the first two weekends in March, I will hereby reference this blog post as "Post 2.14" and refer to it when life is just too crazy - and something has to give. And, judging from the fact that this very post sat unfinished on my computer for a week... I'll probably be referencing it a lot.

This, That and The Other

Whatcha been dooooooin'....?

Me?

I've been:

a) not blogging.

b) READING. I mean reading like they're about to stop making books.

I've read The Thirteenth Tale (for the third time. I'm telling y'all. It's hard to get into, but the ending. OMG. The ending. It makes it all worth it.)

I've read Guilt By Association (a friend's suggestion). Another one with a great ending, although I felt like I was trudging through parts in the middle.

And, also, because I'm a girl and I thought it was a requirement to read Nicholas Sparks, I read his most recent The Best of Me. Oh, sweet Lord. Those are a couple days of my life I'll never have back. CHEE-SY! I feel like Mr. Sparks might owe me some compensation for the part of my brain his corny story is occupying and won't relinquish.

c) learning Spanish. ¡Ay de mi! Es muy dificil. Posiblemente, porque soy estúpido.* Y'all? This is not an aptitude for me. I have a friend (from Brazil nonetheless) who says she loves learning new languages. This. is. not. something I can comprehend. But, I refuse (REFUSE. Do you hear me?!) to let this thing beat me! So. After a brief lengthy hiatus, I'm back at it. Rosetta Stone made me do about ten reviews before I was back at the lesson where I left off. I think that was it's way of reminding me how long I'd been gone. Tacky, Rosetta Stone. Tacky.

d) traveling. When you think of a chid-friendly, blast of a destination, where do you think? NEW JERSEY! I know! Us too! Long story, short, we were going to go with another couple to visit some friends who had moved to Jersey. But at the last minute the other couple had to cancel. Since our kids have known this family (in Elizabeth's case, literally) their whole lives, we decided to pack them up and take them with us. Best decision we've made in a while. Our kids and their kids had such a blast together, there were even a few damp eyes as our visit neared its end. And, on the drive to the airport, the kids asked why we can't just move to New Jersey. I'd say that's a good time.

e) holding down the fort. Shawn's out of town. Again. But, he gets back tonight. I would like to reiterate my theory that he just leaves town so I will appreciate how much better life is when he's here. That. And, he wants to be sure I know who the favored parent is by letting me hear our children ask, "When is Daddy coming home?" three or four times a day.

So. That's life in a nutshell.

I'm going to work on Spanish. *groan*

* Use Google Translate - you can see what that means.

Thanksgiving Recap

So. Thanksgiving.

It began Friday when the kids got out for the holiday after the special Grandparents' Day chapel service. Shawn and I started preparing for all the family that was willing to come to us, to come to us.

But, then we realized they weren't coming until Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving. And, my step-sisters and their families would be down at my mom and step-dad's come the Saturday before Thanksgiving. There really wasn't anything keeping us from going down for a little visit save a two-hour car drive. But, we can make that interstate drive with our eyes closed by now.

We did have to stick around for Lulu's finger check on Monday. But, come Monday evening, we were a-visitin'! And, Tuesday, we had Thanksgiving. (My mom is so good about "the date on the calendar doesn't matter. We can celebrate whenever we're all together!") And, so, we all stood around the kitchen on Tuesday and cooked a Thanksgiving meal together. It was awesome.

Also, while we were there. We stumbled upon Uno Attack. Do you people have this game?! Well, you should! It's plan ol' Uno but instead of a "draw pile" there is a machine that randomly shoots cards at you - it will give you no cards up to, well, we got twelve cards one time. So fun for kids 6 to 96 to be able to "attack" their loved ones!

Quote of the visit: "Come lick my finger and tell me what it tastes like."

We awoke Wednesday to hit the road home and welcome our own guests: Shawn's cousin, David, his wife, Anna, and their little girl, Cora; Shawn's aunt and uncle, Reda and Bill; Shawn's brother, Will, and his son David; and, of course, Shawn's parents live here, David and Marie. (Notice there are three Davids? One would assume this would cause mass confusion. But, somehow we manage. I guess because there's Little David and the two Big Daves have different last names. Or we, as a collective family, are brilliant and not very prone to confusion. One of those...) Shawn's other cousin (Reda & Bill's daughter) and her boyfriend would have been here but there was a little too much vomit coming out of them to make for a pleasant car trip... wait... I've probably said too much... And, Will's wife and daughter, Cynthia and Kristen, didn't make it this time either. We'll give everyone a pass... this time... but, we expect bright, shiny (vomit-free) faces at the next family-gathering!

This little group of Shawn's family have always been so gracious to come to our house for Thanksgiving the past... four... or is it five?!... years. And, they made no exception this year even though we moved the party two hours further away from them!

They kept saying we were the best hosts. But, seriously. They are the best guests. Case in point: I tried to rescue this mangy, little, mean, rat dog that was wandering the neighborhood one night. But, it wouldn't let anyone touch it, so I just lured it into the garage with a piece of turkey and trapped it there. However, by the time we figured out it didn't belong to anyone to whom we thought it belonged and was really just a mangy, little, mean, rat dog, it had torn open all the bags of Thanksgiving trash that were in the garage with it. However, somewhere in the time that I was told of the mess and turned around to deal with it, Shawn's uncle and cousin had cleaned up every ounce of the mess. Now those are good guests.

And, that's just one example. That doesn't include the hostess gifts, the laundry, the counter cleaner because they noticed we were out, the cooking, the taking us out to dinner, the fun games of Uno Attack (Oh yeah. We bought our own.), the black-Thursday night/Friday shopping adventures, or Anna, the professional photographer, taking our family's picture as a "thank you" again this year...

I'm telling you. Good guests.

And, cute kids.

Quote of the visit:

This one needs a little background.

We needed bread to make sandwiches from the Thanksgiving leftovers. So, after Anna took our pictures, we stopped by Walmart. I ran in while the kids, Shawn and Anna waited in the car.

I came back and announced to Shawn and Anna, "I think I made a new best friend. He was wearing a skull cap, had a crazy eye and I think he was a little bit drunk. But, we had a great time in the check-out line together."

Shawn asked how I knew he was drunk and I told him that he was buying mixer and, when asked (by me) if it had reached the point of Thanksgiving when it was time to start drinking, he replied, "Oh it already reached that point a long time ago."

Spencer piped in, "What's mixer?"

I said, "The stuff you use to make 'grown-up drinks.'"

Spence said, "What's drunk?"

I said, "When you drink too many 'grown-up drinks.'"

And, I truly believe Spence's next statement was meant to demonstrate how he could use his new-found word in a sentence. But, what came out sounded for all the world like he had just figured out his mother. Like all his many, many questions were answered when he looked right at me and said,

"You're drunk."

A Picture's Worth a Thousand Words

I've been installing the new update* on the iEverythings that belong to any family member that lives in the same town as I do. So, I've spent many hours staring at iTunes and iPhotos. And, I've found a few pictures for you.

That. And, I figure I owe you a few thousand words. So, I'm going to cheat and use some pictures to fill in a little of the deficit. ;)

Remember when I told you that Spencer's greatest football skill was his size?

God bless #14. It looks like Spence could eat him for a snack.

Lulu was sick a few weeks ago. I gave her The Throw-Up Bowl. (Every house has The Throw-Up Bowl, right?)

She wore it like a hat.

On the Halloween Front:

Spencer made this pumpkin at Cub Scouts:

Those are lots of metal things. Nailed into a pumpkin. Little. Boy. Heaven

One of Shawn's co-workers and his wife have had an annual pumpkin carving party for the kids of their friends and family for the past 24 years. It was at their barn. There were 200 pumpkins from which the kids could choose to carve. And donkeys. (The donkeys didn't have anything to with the party. They were just outside in a pen. But, our kids thought they were awesome.)

Such a brilliant idea for a wonderful, memory-filled, fun party.

And, that thing on the left side of Spencer's pumpkin? That's a scar. He's a tough pumpkin.

Shawn and I went back to the Old Hometown for our friends' annual Halloween Party this weekend. We were ghosts. Someone took pictures of us (because I remember wondering if ghosts would smile or not). I'll post them for your viewing pleasure as soon as I get them - that is assuming we show up on the film (because we were ghosts and all...).

Priscilla came up and spent the night with the kids while Shawn and I went down for the Halloween party. She needed a make-up visit. Since Spence is such a big kid now that he just has slumber parties instead of "party parties," she kinda got cheated out of one of her customary visits with the kids. But, they made up for lost time. There was Toys R Us and McDonalds involved in the 24 hours they were together!

Those are the highlights from around here. We're gearing up for a cooooooold front to come through here on Wednesday and Thursday. And, since I just blogged about the weather, I'm going to wrap up this post.

'Til next time.

*The new iPhone/iPad update?! So super cool! All these advances in Smart Phones and Tablets make me feel like a Jetson!

I'm OK! I'm OK! I'm OK!

Wow. You people really know how to make a girl feel loved. I have been so touched by all of the "are you ok?"s and "I miss you"s and "just checking on you"s and "thinking of you"s and "keep blogging"s.

I swear I'm okay! To be quite honest, I needed a break. I was starting to feel like this:

I wasn't quite sure who I was blogging for. Me? Or random people on the internet from whom I was hoping to get validation? But, y'all reminded me. I have real, live family and friends out there who like to keep up with us this way. And, if you don't like to hear what I say (or if I remind you of the dude in the picture); you can stop reading.

But, now, because of you, this blogging feels more like connecting with people I really know (or "virtually" know) and less like a job for which I don't getting paid. So. Thanks.

Now. To catch up. Spence has been playing flag football. He can't run very fast. Or catch the ball. But. The boy is huge. He plugs holes nicely. Therefore, he is one of the best players on the team. :)

We still have season tickets to the Texas Tech home football games. We've driven two hours there and back for all the home games this season - because evidently we're oddly fanatic like that. Who knew? We took the kids to a game. Lulu h.a.t.e.d. it. We had to wake her early and abruptly from her nap to get there... and it went downhill from there. It finally culminating in her crashing head first into a chair so hard that she had an instantaneous goose egg on her forehead. We allowed her to go home then. I don't think she's too crazy about the idea of any more football games - no matter how cute she looked in her cheerleading uniform.

Also, we finally wrapped up Spence's week and a half of birthday celebrating. I'm not sure how he did it. But, the boy just kept the festivities going! He had football practice on his official birthday. So, that day I just brought a cookie cake to school and cookies to practice. Then he wanted to take his Aggie G'Pa to the A&M v. Tech game in Lubbock so he could mock him the whole time (that plan didn't work out too well). While in Lubbock, his Nanny treated him to a birthday dinner (with cake). Then, we were finally able to get together here at home with G'Ma & G'Pa for a family birthday dinner (with cake) a week after his real birthday. And, this Friday he had some boys over for a birthday slumber party (with cake). We should all take lessons from Spencer about celebrating birthdays.

FYI - Shawn and I kept six 7- and 8-year-old boys alive for 15 hours and even got them 7 1/2 hours of sleep. We shall count ourselves victorious slumber-partiers.

So. That's about it. I'm glad to say, I'm glad to be back. Hope you're glad to see me. (And, contrary to what I threatened my friend Brandon, I won't hold this post hostage until I get at least 50 people to tell me how much they love my blog. ;)

See you soon. (As long as it doesn't feel like a not-for-profit-job.)

Not in the Mood for "Happy"

I want to tell you about our fun vacation to visit some friends at their lakehouse. I want to tell you about my new car (that I can start from my phone - it's like magic, I tell you)!

But, instead I have horse-playing, summer-crazed kids; my patience is thread-bare; and Shawn is out of town.

Worse. I have friends who are hurting.

There was a courageous mother in Lubbock, Christie Devitt, who battled breast cancer when she was pregnant with her second child, three years ago. She inspired countless lives with her strength and faith. But, her cancer came back this June. And this time, she lost the battle.

And, much closer to home, my good friend (and my smart-ass blogging buddy), Danny, just found out his dad has acute myelogenous leukemia.

So, really. I'm not much in the mood to tell you how awesome my Buick is. Or how I can't say "Buick" without pretending that I'm barfing (Buuuuu-ick).

All I really want to ask you is: please pray.

Please pray for Christie's family; for her 3-year-old and 5-year-old who have to live without their mama now. Pray for all the people who found strength and faith through her journey - the very people that she was so worried would waver because of her defeat. Help them to know that just because we can't understand the plan, it's not any less beautiful.

And, please pray for the Holwerda family. Give them the strength and peace for their new battle.

Because, really.  CANCER SUCKS.

Corpus Vacation

So. After all the talk, I really didn't get that many, or that good of, pictures.

Spencer did take this one:

We all know what I look like anyway.
You get a good enough idea with just the half of me.

We did have a busy, fun-filled visit. I just didn't document it with pictures very well.

We saw 4th of July fireworks shot off of the deck of the USS Lexington as we sat atop the tallest building in Corpus Christi.

The next day we actually visited the USS Lexington - a World War II era aircraft carrier that is now a "Museum on the Bay." (This was the only place I remembered to bring the camera with us... and use it.* Turns out it's a two-step process. Who knew?)

Starting on Wednesday our cousins Abby and Megan got to hang out with us. We visited Kingsville, Texas; ate at the Harrel's Kingsville Pharmacy Soda Fountain (Where my dad had a strawberry/banana milkshake that tasted suspiciously like jam. In a cup. We'll never be able to explain it. But, we were all mystified... and a little disgusted...); saw the King Ranch Museum; and shopped at the King Ranch Saddle Shop (Ok. That last one may have been more for my step-mom and me. But, give us a break. It was hot. We deserved it.)

Thursday Papa and Uncle Mike presented a viewing of Diary of a Wimpy Kid for all the kids and Uncle Mike popped popcorn for one and all. I went over to my sister, Brandy's, house and helped clean her garage so she could get ready to move. And, that night, my step-mom honored us with her famous fried chicken, mashed potatoes, cream gravy and green beans. Give me moment... I've gone to my happy place...

Ok. I'm back. 

Friday was a day at the pool for the kids and we were back on the road come Saturday.

So, my pictorial documentation sucks. But, you know what? Visiting Grandparents isn't about the pictures.

It's about memories.

I'm 37-years-old and I can still remember, like it was yesterday, walking into my dad's parents' house as a little girl. Each and every time there would be two metal tins on the washing machine - one of Toll House chocolate chip cookies and one of oatmeal raisin cookies. My Grandpa made them. every. time. I remember the step-stool that served as the extra chair at their kitchen table. I remember the blue bedspreads on their twin guest beds where my sister and I slept. I remember the Ripley's Believe It or Not book in the bookcase (where I learned all about the Loch Ness Monster) and the twisty-block puzzle that would occupy us for hours. I remember how sweet my Grandma was to us - even when I scratched her brand-new refrigerator with magnets.

And, since we've been home? My kids have had "Grandmomma's Cinnamon Toast" every single morning. And they're obsessed with "Propel [Fitness Water] like Papa drinks."

So, memories?

I think we've got them covered.

*And, now. I present to you: The visit to the USS Lexington. (Be prepared to be completely underwhelmed by my photographic genius.)

Elizabeth and a Torpedo
I don't care if it's been disarmed.
This should make us all very nervous.

Spencer the gunner.

You can't tell anyone thinks Uncle Mike is cool, can you?
And, I don't know why, but I think Elizabeth in mid-air
in the background is kinda hysterical.

Uncle Mike is pretty sweet, too.

I think most pilots would tell you "ribbon in the face"
is a very real concern while piloting their crafts.

Lulu in a wheel-well.
Grandmomma ready to catch her before she plummets to the deck.

In the Brig. I asked about bringing this home. They said no.
Notice Elizabeth in the cell on the right.
She's pretending to be "sad [she's] in jail."
Spence takes a more furious view of incarceration.

Grandmomma, Papa, Elizabeth and Spencer at the "Lady Lex"
(and a stranger woman's behind)

Oh wait. Here's a good one:

Papa, Grandmomma, Spence & Lulu

Here's to happy memories.

JOHN "CARTER"!!

I had a lot of things to tell you about our road trip across the state; how much fun we had with our family; a few pictures to show you; etc., etc., etc...

Then.

Someone else decided he would like to take center stage. The. day. after we left. Who should decide to arrive? My brother, Mike and sister-in-law, Heather's baby boy!

(My sister, Brandy, summed it up perfectly: "Can you even believe how Heather [cheated] you out of meeting Carter!?!" Seriously, Heather. I thought we were friends. ;)

Anyhoo.

Introducing...

John "Carter"

Ya'll? I know I'm biased. But, that is a beautiful baby.

Old School Road Trip

We're on the road driving our kids from the north end of Texas to the south end of Texas to visit the Grandfolks. For those of you unfamiliar with the size of Texas, my Google map tells me that it's a twelve hour drive. We plan to break it down into a two-day trip and already have our reservations at a hotel about halfway. (Why do I feel like Clark Griswold all of a sudden?)

This is the stuff childhood memories are made of, right?! So, this should be fun, right?!

Shut your nay-saying mouth. I have convinced myself this will be fun. I have told the rest of the family this will be fun. This will be fun. Damn it. Now sit there and be quiet and don't say another word until you start having some fun. (Oh. I so have the Old School "Mom Speech" down! I'm ready!)

I don't know what blogging capabilities will be "on the road." So, don't take any radio silence as a sign that we're all sitting, weeping on the side of the road.

Or do.

Whatever.

This could go either way...

Wedding Weekend Update

I must check in with you all. Although, my head is so deeply buried in the 900 page epic Pillars of the Earth, I'm now just desperate to finish it so I can go back to being a productive member of society. My Kindle tells me I'm 70% through it. So, that means, what? I only have 270 more pages to go? Great. See you next month.

Anyhoo...

I'm completely overwhelmed by how many of you have told Shawn or me that you've been thinking of us and that you prayed for a peaceful weekend. Truly, I just don't have the words to express my gratitude.

And, I'm happy to report that absolutely nothing blog-worthy happened this weekend other than a beautiful bride married a handsome groom. I adore my new sister-in-law. Heather is beautiful, smart, gracious and funny. Well done, Mike.

And, that bump of Heather's? That's Carter! I'm way more excited about him than I am about Heather - and I'm really excited about Heather! He should make his debut mid-July.

Other than that, we had some great times visiting with family and making new friends. The Easter Bunny had been to every house we went to yesterday, so I'm pretty sure my kids are going to start insisting we travel on Easter - just so they can stock up on the loot!

So, that's it. Thanks again for all the thoughts and prayers. Throw a few more up for Mike and Heather's new marriage and their life together. Like I told Mike: I am a better person because of the person with whom I chose to spend my life. I pray the same blessing for them.

These Women Are CRAZY

Not really. But, some of them read this blog and I thought I would freak 'em out for a second. Don't worry, girls, I rarely tell everything I know. You can pay me later...

So, I'm back from hanging out with Shawn's mom and aunts, and one cousin. Y'all, I'm hard pressed to come up with any reason to let twelve human beings come out of your body. But, when I see these eight sisters in one place; and how much they love each other; and how much they laugh... well, then? Then, I can understand. The love is multiplied exponentially. And the laughter? Let's just say I really wish I could bank some of that laughter.

Now, I'm getting the family ready to go to Corpus on Friday. I've begun moving on auto-pilot. I get up in the morning and get the kids to school because there is just no other option. I buy the things we need to pack for the trip because it needs to be done.

And, I'm so tired. I'm physically tired, but I'm also more tired of family drama than I could ever begin to put into words. My ex-brother-in-law will be at my brother's wedding of about 30 guests. And, to say that situation continues to be filled with drama would be the understatement of the year.

So, Shawn and I keep putting one foot in front of the other. We smile and laugh (instead of cry). We pray (instead of worrying how it will all play out). The Johnsons will do our damnedest to do what God would have us do in every situation. We'll look at our nieces' and our kids' faces if we start to lose our focus.

And, we pray. We pray. We pray.

Stop the World. I'd Like to Get Off, Please.

I'm going to El Paso with my Mother-in-law on Friday... for business, not pleasure (as in, "getting down to business" helping to organize her late mom's house).

In order to use free airline passes, our flight leaves Friday at six forty in the morning. Since I feel fairly certain that no pilot could possibly operate a 42 ton plane that early in the morning (Seriously. People are awake, dressed and functioning that early in the morning?! How is that humanly possible?!), I should probably bid you adieu right now. There is no way we can survive taking off and landing before God is even awake.

We get back on Monday and Shawn, the kids and I turn around and leave again on Friday to go to Corpus Christi for my little brother's wedding. I'm not sure how the boy I still think of as five-years-old could possibly be getting married... But, I haven't gotten any calls from CPS about underage marriages in the family, so maybe I'm a few years off on his age.

Regardless to say, the next few weeks will be a little busy. I'm going to be singing an extra loud "Hallelujah!" come Easter Sunday when The Johnsons are back on a plane headed home to resume "life as usual."

I'll try to keep in touch. But, just in case... miss me!

God Doesn't Like Vacations

And, here's how I know: If He did, life wouldn't be so chaotic upon return. It's like you have to pay for vacation by returning to a home that has completely fallen apart in your absence.

Case in point: the last load of laundry in the dryer that has been "fluffed" about 17 times since it went in last Wednesday.

To be fair, this could have less to do with God's feelings on vacations and more to do with "getting plugged in" to our new town. (I'm suspicious that this might be the case, since I tried to make a dinner date with some of our new friends and the first available date we could find was a Thursday in three weeks.)

Whatever the reason, this is what last week looked like:

Monday and Tuesday were deceptively calm. I took lunch to Spencer for making a 100 on his spelling test while we were gone. We got Lulu's hair cut in the "bob" she has been requesting. (Shawn has been requesting it, too, to be honest. I don't think he could bare to brush one more tangle out of his precious baby girl's head. :) Shawn had business dinners so I had to get the kids to bed by myself. (I really think he just does that so I'll appreciate him more... Ass.)

Wednesday began that elusive laundry. And, then...

Thursday my mom came to town. The kids had Fine Arts Night at their school. We saw their art displayed; Spence's class sang. (Well done. So proud. Got to bed late.)

Friday I tootled on down the highway a couple of hours for a friend's birthday lunch. I got home; took Lulu for a "girls' date" (that means we went to The Discovery Center and walked around the park) while I waited to pick Spence up from a birthday party. We took the kids for pizza for Family Date Night. (Got to bed late.)

The next day (Saturday) we awoke to hit the road back down the highway for a wedding. Came home the same day. (Got to bed late.)

We woke for church on Sunday, came home for some Sunday naps (hallelujah!), worked on Spencer's Flat Stanley project, and raced out the door - again - to get to my in-laws' church for a gospel quartet concert to which they had invited us (leaving the Flat Stanley supplies exploded around the floor and living room).

Last night, as we put the kids to bed (late again), stepping over piles of their toys, shoes, and clothes that hadn't made it to the laundry hamper, Shawn looked around and said, "Well, at least the upstair and the downstairs match."

Elizabeth was showing signs of wear this morning. But, I just kicked everyone out the door to work and school. Now I'm looking around at this house/mess/dump sight and wondering what it takes to get declared a Disaster Zone - I'm not so much interested in the federal funding as I am in the volunteer labor and National Guard forces.

Oh well, I guess I better get started. I need to go fluff the laundry in the dryer one more time.

I ♥ New York (kinda)

Shawn had a meeting in New York. I got to go. Rocks to be me! He had a meeting. I had a spa appointment. I should probably feel guilty about that... I'll work on it. (We actually got to go to this particular meeting because Shawn is very good at what he does. But, he wouldn't like me bragging on him like that... so I won't... but, he is. ;)

He took me shopping because, well, because he's the greatest husband in the world. That, and he's tired of me buying my clothes at Target. Snob.

But, had we not been shopping, we wouldn't have ended up helping the nice man who was choosing between a silver and black watch for his wife (I was leaning toward silver). We also wouldn't have been there when his 20-year-old daughter's text came through saying, "silver! silver! silver!" And, I wouldn't have heard Shawn say, "Dude. You gotta go with silver now."

And, did I mention the man happened to be a Hasidic Jew? I have not stopped laughing that Shawn called him "Dude." Shawn's response is, "What? I'm sure he's heard the word 'Dude' before!" Yeah, but I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say that he's never been called "Dude." Can't. stop. laughing.

But, the highlight of the trip... the thing that made me shriek in the middle of the restaurant where we were having lunch... He TOOK. ME. TO. SEE. WICKED. I honestly didn't know how badly I wanted to see that show until I knew I was going.

The moment I stepped in the theater, I became the quintessential New York tourist. I was snapping pictures. I was buying souvenirs. I LOVED it.

And, the musical? O! M! G! Do not read any synopsis with spoilers - just see this show (there are travelling performances, too). I will never look at the Wizard of Oz the same way again. SO. GOOD.

Anyhoo. As quickly as we got there, we were headed home again (so, all you friends who live in the NY area just keep your scoldings to yourselves - xoxo).

But, I gotta say. There are a lot of people on that one, little ol', polluted, loud island. My sister would live and breathe New York every day of her life if you let her. Me? I prefer peace and quiet and some wide, open spaces. I think New York is a great place to visit. But, I'm always glad to be going home.

To each their own.

What I've been doing while I wasn't blogging

I know it's been long enough since I've checked in that some of you have started to worry that the reality of moving has finally sunk in and I've begun rocking myself in the corner. I haven't.

What I haven't been able to tell you is that Shawn moved me to a new city and then left town for ten days.

Rude.

I couldn't tell you because of the murderers and all... And, by the way, my fears were not alleviated by the fact that he took the time to reacquaint me with the handgun before he left. Awesome. He thinks he's moved me to a town of thieves and scoundrels.

But, I scored some really awesome roses out of the deal.

And, he's back now, being as helpful around the house and with the kids as ever. I can get back to blogging. Finally. Does he not know how his earning a living really interferes with what I want to do sometimes?! (His response would be: "Yeah. Turns out everyone in the family likes to eat.")

So, to catch you up:

Thursday, I traveled two hours to get my hair done. Excessive? If you think so, clearly you've never loved your hair colorist. That. And, it's Joyce who's taken care of me since I was fifteen. Sometimes you just have to travel two hours to get your hair done.

While I was there, I asked her to wax my eyebrows. Eyebrow maintenance has been very low on my list of priorities since moving. I just haven't been motivated to find "an eyebrow person." (I'm not sure how one gets oneself motivate to find "an eyebrow person," actually.) Joyce went to work and exclaimed, "Oh my gosh, girl! These eyebrows! No wonder you haven't made any friends up there!"

Rude.

And, right after she ripped the wax off she said, "That was probably like the first time!" Well, ummm, Joyce? I'm not sure what "first time" you're talking about, but,  no. No, it wasn't. At all.

I'm proud to announce that the last of the boxes are unpacked (well, except for the piles and piles and piles of boxes of china and crystal. Why, pray tell, do I own so much china and crystal? You would think I'm much fancier than I actually am. But, there's nowhere for it to go in this house, so, for now, it will stay in the boxes and I shall proclaim myself unpacked! And fancy...)

Back to the story: On Friday, I worked on actually decorating the house. My mom has a friend who is a decorator. And, if you think I'm too proud to take advantage of that relationship, you'd be wrong. That was slower going than I thought. And, of course I discovered that I needed to buy a few things because, well, duh.

Priscilla came to visit on Saturday. And, since she was here we asked her to babysit so we could go on a Date Night. We're awesome hosts like that. Seriously. We should write a book.

But, we all had fun while she visited. You would have thought by the kids' reactions that iCarly herself had come for a visit.

We all drove back to Lubbock together on Sunday. We had to clear some final things out of the house for closing (turns out the new owners don't want our broken armoir or ottoman, or all the miscellaneous crap that was hiding under said armoir and ottoman - weird). And, on Monday there was that shopping I told you had to be done for the new house...

But, anyway. We're back. The kids are back to school. I'm back to blogging. All is right with the world.

The house is a wreck. So, I'm off to get busy. A girl doesn't score roses around here for nothin', you know!



Also, for those of you who have been wondering, the divorce is final. Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. I never want to experience anything like that again. as. long. as. I. live.

How did we end up here?!

By twists and turns and happenstance, Elizabeth, my mom and I spent Friday night here:

It's officially a little cabin in the woods.

And, this is how it happened: Shawn and I were supposed to go to Austin this weekend. Boy Scout camp turned out to be the same weekend. The entire family was invited to attend Boy Scout camp. Shawn and I cancelled Austin and we were going to *gulp* camp as a family. Spencer learned of the "family camping" plan and quite unceremoniously un-invited his sister and me. We girls picked ourselves up by our bootstraps and enlisted "Nanny" to help us find our own girl-adventure (she is really quite good at that kind of thing). She found a cabin in the woods. On Friday, we went girl camping. Or rather, "glamping."

When we awoke on Saturday, the heavens opened as though they were telling us to get the hell out of town. We obeyed.

This is the black sky that was pouring rain at 10:00 in the morning.

And, that's Elizabeth watching the rain with her stuffed animals

safely ensconced in a garbage bag to keep them "safe and dry."

We returned home just in time for Shawn and me to attend our friends' annual Halloween party.

We were Bedbugs.

(That's a coffin/cooler behind us. I just didn't want you to miss it.)

In one final twist of irony, Shawn and Spencer didn't make it to Boy Scout camp either. And, evidently, when you leave two men footloose, fancy-free and unattended for twenty-four hours, Red Ryder BB Guns are purchased. WTH?! "You'll shoot your eye out!"

He's so intense! Evidently, once you're the proud owner of a BB gun,

you have to be mentally prepared to join a posse at a moment's notice.

Shawn was robbed and assaulted

In case I just gave you a similar heart attack to the one I suffered when I heard those words, I will begin by stating emphatically: HE IS FINE.

He pulled up to the valet parking in San Antonio last night about 10:15. He was last in the line of cars. He saw two men (one in his 20s, one in his 30s) walk out of the bar next door. He set his briefcase on the ground and reached in to the backseat to get his suit jacket. One of the guys grabbed his briefcase not two feet away from Shawn, and Shawn grabbed him by the arm. They struggled with each other and the second guy ran up behind Shawn and pushed him to the ground. (At this point, you may want to take a gander over at that family picture in the sidebar. Shawn is not a small person. Shawn is a giant. I'm not sure it is even in my capabilities to push him down. So, we're not talking about a love-tap here.)

The thugs took off toward the Riverwalk with four valets, the hotel security guard (who is just about finished with his training to join the San Antonio police force) and Shawn (!) on their tails. One valet and the security guard went around and cut them off as they tried to come up out of the Riverwalk. And, by "cut off", I mean the security guard "form tackled" one of them, according to Shawn. He told Shawn that it wasn't too hard to know who he was looking for since they were two scummy-looking rats running down the street carrying a thirty-pound briefcase.

Shawn said bicycle policemen arrived from everywhere, at least fifteen of them (note to self: never make fun of bicycle policemen again).

Shawn and the valet who witness the entire thing got to go down to the police station and give statements until 1:15 in the morning.

But, here's the kicker: since they didn't just take his briefcase, but also pushed him to the ground, the charges went from misdemeanor "theft" to felony "assault." Good. This is my husband you messed with you no-good vermin.

The story that came out in the end was that they came out of the bar and "were looking for some excitement." Well, did you find it, you pieces of crap? I hear jail's pretty exciting.

I told Shawn in no uncertain terms (read that as using words my dad doesn't like me to use...) that his &%$*#@% briefcase wasn't worth his life - the "pusher" could have just as easily had a weapon. He told me he knew and he didn't care about his briefcase or his laptop - but he really needed the paperwork for his meetings today. :-/

P.S. Don't everyone call him at once to tell him he's an idiot and you love him - he really does have a lot of client meetings today. Just send up a quick thanks to the Lord for giving him such an amazing guardian angel and for answering our nightly prayers when he travels to "bring our Daddy back safely and quickly to us."

Will There Be A Pool?

We took the kids to San Antonio for their Fall Break. We travelled six hours to get there. And, amazingly, there was only one brief period toward the end of our trip there (at 10:00pm after a full day of school) that involved wailing and gnashing of teeth. But, it was completely understandable because he "couldn't get comfortable in his seat" and his "bottom hurt from sitting on it" and he "was itchy." Itchy?! (And, that was just Shawn. ba-dum-cha!)

I'm not sure why we chose to drive so far when all the kids require for a five-star vacation rating is a swimming pool. I kid. There was a water slide, too - woot! And, a movie on the lawn one night. And, s'mores. There was a lazy river, too. But, in October, the unheated river is roughly the temperature of ice water. It still had a "beach" beside it, though. And, the kids endeavored to see if they could get every inch of their bodies covered with sand. Truly, a generational gap in what we all consider "fun".

(I tried to use the "Vibrance" effect from Picnik on these pics and it just made the kids look sunburned. Don't judge our sunscreening ability... this is an unfair representation!)

The kids had so much fun at the hotel property that they were actually annoyed that we forced them to see the Alamo and the Riverwalk one day. But, we made the poor, long-suffering darlings deal with it. And, they got ice cream in the end, so it turned out to be a successful venture.

While we were on the property, Shawn guilted me into the pool more times than I cared for (read that as "ever"). What's the age when the pool goes from the-ultimate-in-fun to make-you-cold, and try not to get-your-hair-wet-so-you-don't-have-to-wash-it-again or let-your-eye-makeup-run-down-your-cheeks? But, somehow Shawn thought letting-kids-climb-on-your-head and keep-Elizabeth-from-drowning-because-of-her-own-fearlessness-and-over-inflated-sense-of-swimming-ablity was a two person job. And, there may have been something about "family time". (He clearly didn't appreciate my outgoing cheering and participation from the lounge chair!) But, hello? I have stitches! (Stitches that can get wet. But, that's not the point. Stitches! I feel like I should get some sympathy mileage out of all six of them.)

But, seriously, we had a great time. The kids are finally at the age that  they are more fun than work. There used to be a time when it was the same ol' childcare, just a different location. Now, the four of us actually make happy memories - together.

I do have a suggestion for you, though, San Antonio. Work on the humidity. I think your tourism would really improve if one didn't have to drink the air and your atmosphere weren't so catastrophic to the average hair-do.