Monday, September 27, 2010

This Divorce is not my story to tell, but I DO have a story: Part II

[Ok. So, I got a little bit of a scolding constructive criticism from my dad. Eeek. He caught me cussing! Quick, can I spend the night at your house?!

No, seriously, he said that I "make a good argument, but completely diminish it by being crude." So, for that, I apologize. Please read in between my very angry, hurt and defensive lines yesterday. Take my off-colored language as code for "You wanna go?! We'll go." Know that I just wasn't smart enough yesterday to express my overwhelming emotions without it. Not a good excuse, I know. But, it's all I got.

Summary: I support my sister. Please be kind to her.]

And now, for Part II (which my dad probably recognized was coming from the "Part I" of yesterday's title and was trying to preemptively stop any more f-bombs...)

Someone else's divorce is not my story to tell.
  • My story is: I get a phone call from Brandy while I'm at Boy Scout sign-up night. She's sobbing so hard I can't understand her and I get so mad at what I'm told that I want to punch a wall. (in case you're wondering... not a wall-puncher.)
  • My story is: I get stopped in the middle of running errands by a phone call and end up in a parking lot on the "wrong side of town" yelling and debating into the phone for an hour. (in case you're wondering... not a yeller or debater.)
  • My story is: I get stopped in my tracks when I let my mind wander too far during exercise and start to cry. I start a conversation with Shawn and start to cry. I cry a lot. And I don't let myself cry a whole lot more than that.
  • My story is: There is probably a memo being circulated among my friends warning them not to ask me, "How's life?"
  • My story is: Four people I love are hurting and it leaves a hole in my chest.
  • My story is: I am so tired from the overwhelming emotion of it all that that's why I can't focus; that's why I can't remember; that's why I drop even the most basic of "balls".
  • My story is: This situation makes me realize, in my lifetime, I've been the judgmental *&%$ (insert cuss word I'm not using today). I’m sorry for all the times you, my friends and family, have made a decision that wouldn’t have fit into my life, into my situation, and I judged you. I love you. I pray for your peace. I pray for your happiness. I am disgusted with the cocky child I've been in the past. And, I humbly apologize to you.
  • My story is: I am devastated by the warning flares she sent up for years that, in hindsight, I now see. I, her best friend, the person who knows her better than anyone in this world, missed them. I never noticed them until those flares had become a wildfire.
  • My story is: I'm so filled up with a story that isn't mine to tell that I can't think of a single other thing to blog about. (Noticed a lot of pictures and recipes lately? And one thrilling post that was a list of my daily activities! Thank goodness my children are still hysterical; and Shawn still makes me laugh.)
  • My story is: I'm so blissfully happy with my own family and the joy we experience together on a daily basis that the boomerang effect of emotions leaves me exhausted.
That's my story.


    Springer said...

    So, correct me if I'm wrong, your story is:

    1. you're human and not perfect,
    2. you're intensely loyal even to the point of using words that might make people say "you kiss your momma with that mouth?",
    3. you're "carrying them in a wheelbarrow" so to speak and are willing to admit (to over 6 billion people*) when you aren't perfect and try to do better, and
    4. you've got a heart as big as Texas so there's potential for more pain (and more love) than most.

    I'm thankful for you and your story - and will always, always want to to know "how's life?" even if the answer comes in tears or f-bombs.

    *- for purposes of this figure I'm assuming that those on earth who aren't following your blog soon will be and will go back and read this post - how's the Swahili translation mirror site coming?

    Ali said...

    you make me smile and smile, springer. thanks.

    Avante Garde Parenting said...

    I ache for you, your sister, your family, her family, her kids, the works. Screw the judgy judgers. Why do I get the feeling you're from Texas? Have you said that before? Well, if you are (me too), God love 'em, but they are a special kind of judgy.

    Your love for your sister is apparent and commendable- I'm sure you are helping her in more ways than you can realize. Hugs to you :)

    Mixtape Jones said...

    I personally don't think you should sweat the f-bombs. I don't think they diminish the argument one bit. I think they hammer the point home in a way it needs to be hammered.

    Just my opinion. But I'm probably what your dad would call a "bad influence." :)

    Alana Seal said...

    We have never met, but I do know Brandy. I am thankful that I read your blog because I also have been judgmental of people (including friends, family and strangers) of decisions they made that did not fit into what I thought was right. I think most people would say I am a very kind person but it makes me sad to think I have done what you are talking about. Thank you for making me want to be a better person and to realize we never really know the whole story.

    Entertaining Women said...

    And now you've told what was my story, too. I LOVE YOU so much!

    Ali said...

    AGP - yes, texas. SUCH a special kind of judgy, you are RIGHT about that. bless our hearts! ;) but, seriously, thank you.

    David - you're MY kind of bad influence. love you.

    Alana - wow. thank YOU for being so honest.

    CK - love you, too. thanks.

    dustytexas said...

    Since I let f-bombs fly quite often, I would say that it shows your passion and love for your sister. Defend Ali with everything you have.

    Ali said...

    love it, dusty. thanks!

    April said...

    Coming from someone who has gone through a divorce and therefore been on the receiving end of such harsh judgment as you described, as well as having encountered many obstacles along life's way for which I continue to be judged I find your "colorful" language warranted. Overcoming those obstacles is the sweetest victory, especially coming out of it a better Christian, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend.

    Let me also say that my sisters have been in my corner through all of it (even if they didn't always agree with me), and I'm not sure what I would've done without them there. Your sister is beyond blessed to have you in hers.

    Ali said...

    thank you, april.

    i'm sorry you've ever had to travel this road before (much less multiple times). i'm glad you're the better, stronger person for it, though.

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