The Post with Emotional and Physical Abuse

This weekend my sciatic nerve hurt. I'm sorry. Let me rephrase that: It HURT. It hurt like a lightening bolt of pain was shooting up and down my rump and leg. (And, yeah, yeah. I suffer from old lady ailments now. Leave me alone. It still HURT.)

Saturday night, as we turned off the t.v. and got up from the couch to go to bed, I gasped and cried out in pain.

Shawn laughed. (Let me give you moment to take that in...)

I told him (as I was doubled over catching my breath) that he was rude.

He said he was sorry but it's been a while since he's heard me cuss in pain. (Somehow cussing while gasping doesn't prove how much more it hurts - it just means it's funny.)

I tried to storm off indignantly, but I gasped in pain again.

This time he laughed hysterically. He had enough sense, though, to realize that I had hobbled within striking distance. He attempted to protect his upper body from my fists.

I walked away dragging my leg.

He somehow found the ability to laugh. even. harder. He said the lightening bolt of pain must have left a corncob behind in its wake. Everyone's a comedian. (Everyone's not a good comedian, though.)

I walked into the kitchen. He followed. I gasped. He SNORTED.

So rude.*

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On Monday, I found more of those "fine lines and wrinkles" around my eyes that the Oil of Olay commercials have been warning me about for years. Just as I did, Shawn walked in the bathroom. I showed him my wrinkles and asked, "Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I'm ninety-four?"

He shrugged and said, "Ehhh... Yeah."

Gee. Thanks.

Later, I tried to google the song so I could remember who sang it. (Okay! Okay! Stop yelling all at once! I know now it was The Beatles.) When I found it, I said to Shawn, "Oh wait. I was wrong. It's SIXTY-four."

His response? "Oh, sixty-four? Yeah! I can DEFINITELY do sixty-four. Ninety-four's a LONG time."

Rude.

(I think Shawn and I will probably look a LOT like the couple at 0:50.

I mean it's kinda eerie - like they did an age progression of us or something.)

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*I told him I was going to blog about this so the world would know of his treachery and heartlessness. He started laughing and said, "It was funny. I would pay money to see it again!"

So. Rude.