Wednesday, September 08, 2010

The Post with Emotional and Physical Abuse

This weekend my sciatic nerve hurt. I'm sorry. Let me rephrase that: It HURT. It hurt like a lightening bolt of pain was shooting up and down my rump and leg. (And, yeah, yeah. I suffer from old lady ailments now. Leave me alone. It still HURT.)

Saturday night, as we turned off the t.v. and got up from the couch to go to bed, I gasped and cried out in pain.

Shawn laughed. (Let me give you moment to take that in...)

I told him (as I was doubled over catching my breath) that he was rude.

He said he was sorry but it's been a while since he's heard me cuss in pain. (Somehow cussing while gasping doesn't prove how much more it hurts - it just means it's funny.)

I tried to storm off indignantly, but I gasped in pain again.

This time he laughed hysterically. He had enough sense, though, to realize that I had hobbled within striking distance. He attempted to protect his upper body from my fists.

I walked away dragging my leg.

He somehow found the ability to laugh. even. harder. He said the lightening bolt of pain must have left a corncob behind in its wake. Everyone's a comedian. (Everyone's not a good comedian, though.)

I walked into the kitchen. He followed. I gasped. He SNORTED.

So rude.*


On Monday, I found more of those "fine lines and wrinkles" around my eyes that the Oil of Olay commercials have been warning me about for years. Just as I did, Shawn walked in the bathroom. I showed him my wrinkles and asked, "Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I'm ninety-four?"

He shrugged and said, "Ehhh... Yeah."

Gee. Thanks.

Later, I tried to google the song so I could remember who sang it. (Okay! Okay! Stop yelling all at once! I know now it was The Beatles.) When I found it, I said to Shawn, "Oh wait. I was wrong. It's SIXTY-four."

His response? "Oh, sixty-four? Yeah! I can DEFINITELY do sixty-four. Ninety-four's a LONG time."


(I think Shawn and I will probably look a LOT like the couple at 0:50.
I mean it's kinda eerie - like they did an age progression of us or something.)


*I told him I was going to blog about this so the world would know of his treachery and heartlessness. He started laughing and said, "It was funny. I would pay money to see it again!"

So. Rude.


Eat. Live. Laugh. and sometimes shop! said...

"Pay money to see it again." Ok, that sent me over the edge. LOVE Shawn John!!

Ali said...


Entertaining Women said...

I spent part of my pregnancy with Haze with him somehow causing pressure to be put on my sciatic nerve. You are so right...HURT! Helpful phrase for Shawn..."Bite me."

Ali said...

that phrase sounds very therapeutic! thanks, CK.

Redneck Mommy said...

Your husband sounds a lot like my husband. It's good thing we love our jackasses, otherwise we'd be hooped.

Ali said...

i agree, Redneck Mommy! And, it's a good thing THEY found women who love jackasses, otherwise THEY'D be hooped, too.

Anonymous said...

Ali, call me if you get the sciatica pain again or if it hasn't gone away. I should be able to give you some tips to help. - Sharla

Ali said...

thanks, sharla! i absolutely WILL.

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