Friday, October 01, 2010

The Continuing Saga of my Mole

So, I can only guess that most of you have not been obsessively googling "spitz nevi" like my step-mom and I have. In that case, let me tell you that they are most commonly found in people under the age of twenty (and I know what you're thinking, but regardless of how young I look, I am over twenty. You're sweet, though). One site even suggests, "As a rule, a pathologist should always think thrice before diagnosing a Spitz nevi in an adult over 40 years of age." (I instinctively got a little miffed that my step-mom was so brazen to point out that my age was "close enough" to 40. Rude... But, accurate... Now I don't want to talk about it anymore.)

Oh, and by the way, the alternative diagnosis: melanoma. Yay!

The doctor walked into the office today and I said, "So, I know you probably hate it when your patients say, 'I've been googling...'"

And, he said, "But, spitz nevi is a very unusual diagnosis for someone your age."

Um. Holla! to the doctor that can read your mind!

Then he said, "That's why we're going to treat this like a melanoma today. That way, even if we do get another diagnosis on this new pathology, we will have already taken the most cautious approach."

I may have said, "Do it!" or "Yay!" or "You can have my whole knee cap, just make sure I'm here to watch my kids grow up," I'm not sure. But, now I look like I went off to war and got triaged in a battlefield tent.


Don't even care! I feel like a thousand ton weight is off my chest.

During the procedure I said, "So now at least we know my skin is trying to kill me."**

He said, "That's a very good way to look at it."

WHAT?! No it's not. You clearly don't read my blog! That is a sample of my self-deprecating defense technique. Your response is supposed to be, "No. No. This will probably never happen again." Geez. Your office is really bad at knowing what your lines are!



P.S. After having to get the kids off to school single-handedly for the second time in two weeks, Shawn's response to the idea that I need to be closely watched for melanomas: "Knowing what it's like taking care of these kids without you, if I see anything weird on your body, I'm cutting it off myself."

Having a husband who appreciates me: Good.
Surgery by steak knife: Bad.



**I told you a long time ago that I only have a limited amount of material. Now you have proof that I really do reuse this stuff.

14 comments:

Mandi said...

Is that your LEG???? That thing is too skinny woman!
I'm relieved that while your skin is trying to kill you, that you won this particular battle. I love having you around.

Ali said...

the top of the picture is my calf (ensconced in a furry boot b/c i needed to be wearing comfort clothing today ;) - and it's half in shadow. no worries. it is a very appropriately-sized leg.

and, thanks. i like being around.

Avante Garde Parenting said...

I love how you can even make Melanoma funny.

I might have publicly shared your blog here today: http://www.mommymonologues.com/

Maybe.

Eat. Live. Laugh. and sometimes shop! said...

Um, I thought it was an arm. Skinny minny.

Glad they cut the heck out of you. I appreciate offensive medicine!!

Ali said...

jamie - I LOVE YOU! i would would TOTALLY like you in real life. i will never, never set my blog to private. i would miss finding awesome people like you. (and, "make melanoma funny" made me LOL.)

amy - i'm ALL FOR offensive medicine! thanks.

Anna said...

Oh, Shawn. Got to love 'em.

Ali said...

sure. cuz you're not the one being threatened with homemade surgery.

Danny said...

You're not reusing material, you're creating catchphrases!

Glad that things went well, and hope it heals up quickly.

Ed said...

I must admit...I missed the "spitz nevus" during med school. Therefore, I must look it up. Dermatology wasn't my favorite course, though!

Ali said...

yes, danny! i'm a catchphrase creator!

ed - don't rush out to investigate spitz nevi. it will not leave you any more enthralled with dermatology - i promise.

Sparkling said...

As one whose mother had a melanoma and who worries constantly about everything on my skin, I think they should cut off everything that makes me worry and let me grow new stuff to keep them busy. When it doubt, cut it out, is my philosophy(though I have yet to have anything cut out). This is why it's probably a good thing I didn't become a dermatologist.

Ali said...

maybe the REST of the world prefers that you didn't become a dermatologist. but, I for one, LOVE your theory of "when in doubt, cut it out." as a matter of fact, i love it so much, i might just walk around chanting it from now on...

Caryn Ouwehand said...

Dude,

I had a patch of actinic keritosis removed off my face last year by a plastic surgeon. Not so pleasant. Nice reminder to keep on the sunscreen

Ali said...

eeeek! i would much prefer a Public Service Announcement Poster reminding me to wear sunscreen, thankyouverymuch!

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