Sunday, July 04, 2010

I Will Kill You If You Touch My Child's Toothbrush

So here's a drawback to staying at a place by the water, especially a place that has seen record rainfall from a nearby hurricane.  Roaches.

Now there are a LOT of things I try to be a tough girl about; mainly on principle; mainly because squealing, wussy girls bug me.  But, roaches are. not.  one of those things.  If there is another mature person in the vicinity, I will run screaming from a roach as fast as these two legs will take me, and I just hope there is never a child or elderly person in my way as I'm headed out the door - I'm not sure I would pass that ethical challenge.

But last night.  Oh, last night.  I'm a night owl.  So, long after the last person had gone to bed, I shut down my laptop and headed off to get ready for bed. I walked into the bathroom and there was a roach.  On Elizabeth's toothbrush. "Oh, no you di'int.  You done ticked me off now, roach."  I became a one woman roach-killing machine.

But, here's the catch.  Elizabeth has (or should I say, had) a Crayola toothbrush with a suction cup on the bottom so it stands upright.  The roach was up on the bristles like some kind of demented roach flag from hell.  And, unless you're the kind of person who doesn't mind having a roach jump and scurry and try to climb up your arm after a failed kill attempt, you really have to whack these suckers dead on the first try.  So, this required some strategizing.  Needless to say (well, needless if you live inside my brain), it involved a tall Tupperware container, some foil, a lid, a mouthwash bottle, a candle and a flipflop.  Also probably needless to say, none of that mattered when the suction cup on the toothbrush caught on the countertop and the roach made his escape from my what-seemed-to-be-a-well-thought-out fortress.  But, still, after jumping and screaming like a little girl, I delivered the one swift deathblow (and then beat it to death about ten more times to be sure).  I was shaking and sweaty for the next 30 minutes, but I was victorious.  And, my baby girl's toothbrush was vindicated.

There will probably be epic poetry written about this battle.


Sparkling said...

Oh I am the same way about bugs. I love the tupperware plan, I would surely have done such a thing but would have spent the whole time I was getting the tupperware worrying that the roach would move and I'd never see it again. Very nice!

Ali said...

he seemed very content up there on the bristles of her toothbrush. that was the ONLY reason i felt like i could step away in pursuit of my tupperware and whatnot.


Kimberly said...

Demented roach flag?!! That is so dang hilarious yet so disturbing. You are like the Mcgyvers of roach killing! Thanks for the chuckle!
PS coming from girl next door

Ali said...

hey kimberly! thanks for visiting. glad you got a laugh. i am TOTALLY making myself some business cards that say "The MacGyver of Roach Killing..." (but then I'm going to refuse everyone's business.)

Sarah said...

Haha!!! "like some kind of demented roach flag from hell" -- love it! And I would be the same way -- I really hate those suckers!

Ali said...

really. really. HATE them.

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

I have never seen a roach. Euww. Way to go for beating that sucker to death!!! Too funny!!

Ali said...

GND- I want to live in a world where I've never seen a roach! I am now going to sit and stew in my own jealousy.

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