The Perfect Storm of Wardrobe Malfunctions

So, remember how I told you I'd started doing Zumba?  In case you forgot it's kind of hip-hop booty shaking for an hour.  You sweat like a pig, you burn a lot of calories and you call it a workout.

But, the clothes to wear while you're shaking, squatting and generally acting unladylike is a tricky dilemma.  You could buy the official Zumba pants for around $65.  Yeah, I'm way too cheap for that.  So, I was in Old Navy and saw some cropped cargo pants.  Yay!  Moveable, but with a little more substance than leggings or shorts.  This pear-shaped girl needs a little coverage while shaking every jiggly bit God gave me.  And, being cargo pants, I just knew they would make me look perfectly gangsta while hip-hop dancing. (That sentence may be too gramatically correct to contain the word "gangsta".)  I wore them to workout today.  Three things happened :

1. They grew in that delightful way pants that contain 2% spandex have of growing while you're wearing them.  You know, because when you try on pants in the store you're always hoping they'll fit differently two hours after you put them on each time.
2. The waist had been a little big to start with.  So, jumping and shimmying only led to my pants scooting further and further down my hips.  Unless my tank top had been dress-length, it didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell of bridging the gap.
3. Let's just say I had taken "precautions" so as not to have a visible panty line.

So, to sum up this story:  I spent 60 minutes trying not to show my crack to all of my friends.  I don't think I was sweating from the workout.

(This is Vanessa Hudgens, not me.

But, don't worry, it's a perfectly natural mistake.)