I just can't stop thinking about how much power the people for whom we care wield with their ability to hurt us. It's a risk vs. reward situation, though. You have to risk letting people hurt you in order to benefit from the rewards of a close relationship - and, oh the rewards! Laughter. Comfort. Understanding. Compassion. Strength. Love.
We all do have a tendency to "look out for number one," though. So, I guess we just hope against hope that the people we care for will also give a slight nod to consideration of our feelings. Sadly, sometimes they don't. And, if I'm being a grown-up, I should probably add: Why should they?
It must be that I've been spoiled. I usually find myself surrounded by unbelievably thoughtful friends - I guess I just run with some stellar people. But, man, on the rare occasion that my feelings aren't high on someone else's priority list - it's just like being that 13-year old girl all over again; broken-hearted over not being invited to sit at the "cool" lunch table.
I don't know what to do about it, though. I can't imagine a life without my friends in it. So, I choose not to become jaded - yet. I choose to continue to trust my own judgement of people's characters - although not foolproof, when coupled with Shawn's judgement, it's pretty darn close. I choose to believe that the people I love are of high enough caliber to be gentle with my feelings. For now, I'm going to love and trust them enough to turn over the power to hurt me. And, pray that they're the people I believe them to be - people worthy of that trust.
And, one more thing (this is the grown-up part!): I'm going to do a double-check on the friend that I'm being to other people. I pray I find I've been the kind of friend I would hope to have. But, in case I don't, I'm going to remember how much power there is in a simple apology.
(And, although I'm pretty sure all my nearest and dearest are too busy to read this blog, if I haven't been the kind of friend to you I should have been and am too clueless to know it [if you're my nearest and dearest you are well aware this is not an unlikely scenario], please feel free to leap at this opportunity. And, allow me to apologize.)
2 comments:
I totally understand. Ask me about last Saturday.....
I feel like I'm not allowed at the "cool" table every day Ali. Come sit next to me.
I thought I had good friends, but I have realized in the past year that they are "toxic" (as KKR likes to say) and I'm having a hard time finding the gems. I feel better away from them, but pretty lonely at 37 trying to "fit" in.
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