Saturday, January 09, 2010

Loss

We were going to have a baby in February of 2006.  And then, 11 weeks later, we weren't.

I often tell people that I'm so bad at being pregnant (honestly, I don't think I liked a single minute of it) that no more children are allowed to come out of my body.  But, I love babies.  So, the running joke among our friends is that I'm waiting for our "doorstep baby".  You know, the way Barney and Betty got Bam-Bam?

The other day, as I was wondering why no one has left me a doorstep baby yet, it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I think I wonder where our other baby is, because I feel like we're missing the third baby we don't, and will never, have.  The third baby that's waiting for us in heaven already.

So, this must be the definition of loss.  Always waiting for something you know in your heart of hearts you will never have.

Maybe I'll stop checking the front porch so much.  Maybe I'll just be content with the idea that some day, a very, very long time from now (God willing), we will all meet again and be that family of five - finally.

But, maybe not.

4 comments:

ckclifford said...

You know, a thought that comforts me is the knowledge that Mama and Daddy are in heaven rocking your baby and mine. It makes me smile.

Tales from the Crib said...

You took the words right out of my mouth.

mcpaige said...

love you, ali!

Danny said...

That was really beautifully put. As much as I love the three we have, there are quiet moments where I wonder about the two that we don't.

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